Catching Up With Conner Mertens

Conner Mertens is just like any other football player at Willamette University. He works hard to perfect his position, encourage his teammates and diligently studies to maintain good grades. Mertens is a redshirt freshman kicker and punter for Bearcats.

While sitting out his freshman year with an ACL injury, Conner gained the courage to tell the world a secret that had been eating him up inside for 10 years. Conner Mertens is bisexual.

After Mertens told his family, friends and team, he took his news to twitter with a letter explaining everything. With his secret out, Mertens officially became the first college football player at any level to come out publicly while still playing. His news was broadcasted by nearly every major news outlet, including ESPN, Sports Illustrated and Fox Sports. His coming out completely changed his life by the mutter of just a few words.

All of that took place in January, and things have slowed down a bit for Mertens. Willamette is 4-1 on the season and Mertens is performing well in his first full season after a successful ACL recovery. He is 27-28 on extra points. and 3-3 on field goals with a long of 36 yards. Mertens is also averaging 56.6 yards on 36 kickoffs with two touch-backs.

I had the privilege of talking to Mertens about his coming out approach, and what life has been like since doing so. Below is a brief Q & A where he gives us full insight to his experience of being an openly bisexual athlete, the first in his sport’s history.

CD: How did you come out to your team? 

Mertens: I came out to my team through a process. I first told my fraternity president who was also one of the senior wide-receivers and a brother who was a sophomore linebacker. I was really just looking to have someone in my corner before the ball started rolling. After that, I told my coach who led our bible study and I felt I was pretty close with. He suggested I bring it to the head coach to discuss further plans. My head coach and I decided the best idea would be to tell the leadership council that is made up of players from each grade. Collectively, we decided the best way to do it would be getting together with everyone and just putting it out there so we didn’t have an awkward “oh did you hear about Conner?” situation on the team. From there, my friend Wade Davis (ex NFL and executive director for the You Can Play project, a non-profit I work with) made a red-eye flight from New York to Oregon to help talk to the team and calm my nerves.

CD: What were the reactions of the players and coaches?

Mertens: From there, I left campus and the team had a meeting where they printed out my letter and gave it to the whole team. I didn’t want to be present so they could talk openly and honestly without fear of offending me or something along those lines. Almost immediately, I started getting phone calls, texts, emails, Facebook messages, whatever, from teammates telling me nothing changes and they support me 100%. It has never once been awkward or uncomfortable. I made it clear to the guys that nothing changes. They didn’t have to walk on egg shells around me or anything like that. I was just one of the guys and with that comes poking fun at whatever there is. Some teammates get made fun of for having red hair, some get made fun of for having a lack of brain cells, the fact that I like dudes is just a small part of me, like my hair color so they have fun saying things to that affect. In fact, I get made fun of far more for being a kicker than liking dudes.

CD: It’s been 10 months since you’ve come out. What has changed in your everyday life and football life?

CM: It’s been such a radical change in a relatively short amount of time. I have just become so much more comfortable within myself on and off the field. I have never played as well as I have been. I link it to the fact that I don’t have to focus on hiding and pretending, and that I can be 100% genuine and real without fear of being “found out”. I have developed some insanely close friendships since coming out. Vulnerability creates cohesiveness and people gravitate towards honesty. The people I’ve met through this process have made all the negative parts worth it.

CD: You received tons of attention from media and the LGBT community. What was that like and how did you cope with your announcement being broadcasted nationally?

CM: Initially I was just trying to write a letter to my home town to hopefully make change there and get the conversation started in a very conservative “small-town perception” place. I talked to Outsports because their stories had given me the courage to do what I did so I wanted to pay it forward in some sense. Following that, once ESPN, FOX, The NY Times, etc. started calling, I began to get increasingly overwhelmed. My intention was never for popularity or attention. It was to spark a conversation at home. In the end, it all worked out. I was given a national platform to maybe have the same impact I was hoping to have on my hometown. There were a lot of sleepless nights in the first couple months answering emails, talking to people, doing homework, playing football. It became increasingly difficult to keep all the factions of my life in tact. After FOX came and did a piece on me, I began directing all media requests to my brother who informed people that I was done doing media and was strictly focusing on school and football.

CD: Being the first college football player to come out while still in college, have you been in contact with other players from across the country who are also wanting to come out?

CM: Probably the most rewarding experience thus far has been the thousands of emails I have gotten from other athletes who are wanting to live their life in the light and not have to hide who they are to be an athlete. Still, 10 months later, I still get emails weekly from other college/professional/high school/recreational athletes. Some of these people I’ve helped come out are now my very close friends. Jack Thorne, a swimmer committed to Northwestern in Chicago, Juan Mendoza, a former three-sport athlete from Eastern Washington, Mitch Eby a football player at Chapman University…you can find all their stories on Outsports. Having them be able to live openly and have them say I helped in the least bit is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.

CD: Moving forward, what do you hope to accomplish on and off the field?

CM: On the field, I just want to have my performance get better on a seasonally basis, never getting comfortable with how I’m playing. I don’t like to think of personal goals when playing a team sport. My hopes are for the team to do well and for me to contribute and do my job the best that I can. Off the field, I want to continue to be an advocate for the closeted athlete. Hopefully be a living, tangible example of the phrase “it gets better”. We aren’t anywhere close to where we should be so the LGBTQ community doesn’t feel exiled or unwanted in such a huge facet of society-sports.

*Section Photo credit to Tri-City Herald; Featured Photo (above) credit to Mertens

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