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Shooters Who Stroke Sweet as Pumpkin Pie


Well, hello there, obligatory Thanksgiving Day tied in article thing. It is nice to see you. Wait, what is that? You would like to know more about my headline? It is kind of self-explanatory, but the concept of it is has to do with turkeys, pumpkin pie and college basketball — naturally. You need not worry about anything else.

Here is the thing. Today is Turkey Day. So, yeah, Happy Gobble Gobble Day, mother truckers. With that being said it is important to know why we celebrate it to begin with. It has to do with pilgrims or something and abusing other people’s land and college basketball. Something like that at least. I don’t know. Google it.

Eh, I digress. Here is the thing. As the college football regular season comes to a close the college basketball season is starting to get more humans to watch amateur hoops on their picture-box. All good things for sure. However, not everyone on this planet (except you, I know) can name the fourth man off the bench for Northeastern. That is why I am going to help you, help me, help you get all caught up in this gimmick filled post about pumpkin pies and people being good at hurling basketballs at the general direction of a hoop.

Basically, this is a list of college hoopsters you may not know, who have a stroke sooooo sweet that it rivals the sweetness of the pumpkin pie that your gram-gram makes. For what it is worth, though, mine made pumpkin ICE CREAM pie. So, she obviously trumps your gram-gram. Back to basketball….

Strokes As Sweet as Pumpkin Pie

Bryce Alford – UCLA Bruins

As I am writing typing this, Bryce Alford is having one heck of a game against Oklahoma (8-16 from the field, but only 3-9 from three). It’s probably the only reason he is making this list. Had I not been watching this game take place I would probably not put the Artist Formerly Known as Bacteria in Steve Alford’s Loin a second look. Still, Alford does have a pretty sweet shot. Currently averaging over 20 points per game on the season, Alford is also shooting over 40 percent from three. What makes his .414% from deep really impressive is the fact that he averages over seven attempts per game. Usually, at least this early in the season, folks who shoot that many threes tend to err on the side of inefficient.

Bryce Alford Sweetness Rating: Six Gobble Gobbles out of Ten

Tim Douglas – Portland State Vikings

Tim Douglas might not be a household name, but that does not mean his shot isn’t sweet. Douglas, who plays on the currently undefeated Vikings, is shooting an astonishing .833% from beyond the arc. For him to be exact, that is 3.3 makes for every four of his attempts, which is, you know, pretty bat-poop insane. This is probably a fad like the pet rock, though. Before this hot start Douglas had never shot over .34% from deep in his other two season with the program.

Tim Douglas Sweetness Rating: Five Gobble Gobbles out of Ten (downgrades because fads, man)

Marcus Marshall – Missouri St Bears

26 points per game. I repeat; 26 points per game. I am not a mathematical wizard but that seems like a pretty good scoring average. Marshall is doing it efficiently as well. .676% from the floor and a jaw dropping, seizure inducing .722% from the point of no return (that’s the three-point line, kids). Marshall is chucking it too. As of this typing he is averaging just over six attempts per game.

Marcus Marshall Sweetness Rating: Six Gobble Gobbles out of Ten

Tyler Harvey – Eastern Washington Eagles

What, did you only what guys from the big boy conferences on this list? Compared to these other guys percentage numbers Harvey’s won’t seem that great (.440), yet it is the fact that he takes 10 (TEN!) attempts per game that puts him on this list. Think about that for a second. Harvey takes about 15 shots per game, 10 of which are three-point tries. If Harvey was to be cast on The Walking Dead he would surely be killing zombies from long-range. Maybe he wouldn’t be killing them accurately or anything (damn waste of ammo), but he would get them.

Tyler Harvey Sweetness Rating: Eight Gobble Gobbles out of Ten

Honorable Mention

Whichever player(s) from whichever team(s) you root for that have a solid percentage that you feel were slighted on this list. Hey! No! Wait! There’s more…

Spoiled Pumpkin Pies

Damon Lynn – N.J.I.T. Highlanders

These kids play the college hoops for free. So I won’t go too hard on them. Still, shooting 11 threes per game while only making .30% of them is not ideal.

Damon Lynn Sweetness Rating: Two Gobble Gobbles out of Ten

Javeres Brent – Jackson State Tigers

Brent is not playing fluid basketball at all. Not at the moment at least. Sure, the kid is averaging over 15 points per, but he is making less than .33 percent of his shots from anywhere on the floor. Especially troubling is the fact he longs to shoot it from the Antarctic, attempting over nine threes per game, only making three of those though.

Javeres Brent  Sweetness Rating: One Point Five Gobble Gobbles out of Ten

James Daniel – Howard Bison

8.4 three-point attempts per game. Two three-point makes per game. A .238 percentage…

James Daniel Sweetness Rating: He is not allowed to celebrate Turkey Day

*Section Photo credit to Stephen Dunn, Getty Images; Featured Photo (above) credit to Joe Nicholson, USA Today Sports


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