How dumb are you if you bet against the champs? What makes Lincoln Riley comparable to a sandwich clerk? Were you alive the last time Georgia defeated Alabama? How does 36 consecutive regular-season victories sound? All questions will be answered with my pick for the College Football Playoff, where I’m going to explain why some teams are just simply better than others and tell you why one team will FINALLY make the Playoff field.
You ever seen a Tiger tear a man apart? Sink its teeth four inches deep into flesh and ferociously tear away piece after piece like they’re a child mutilating Christmas wrapping paper in anticipation of a gift? Here’s a video, in case you’ve never witnessed such a heinous action:
What they did to the college football world in 2018-19 was butchery. “And I’ll tell ya, that’s just what it is, plain ole butchery.” Dabo Swinney’s Clemson submitted the first 15-0 season in the history of the sport and careened Alabama to punctuate such a historic season. Folks, Clemson is making another Playoff appearance–a fact that shouldn’t shock anyone with a functioning cerebral cortex. With grown-up Mitch Kramer from Dazed and Confused jockeying another thoroughbred offense alongside future NFL household names Travis Etienne, Tee Higgins, and Justyn Ross; and another defense with comprehensive five-star talent, Clemson is rolling straight to football’s Final Four.
Again, if you pick against Alabama making the Playoff, you oughta have a doctor sever the top hemisphere of your cranium off and give your genius gears some serious attention (just make sure your doctor doesn’t try to put you through a Get Out type procedure). I hear the begging pleas from bored SEC fans that Georgia is prime position to steal the conference and that Bama has two dozen five-star linebackers injured or suspended right now. Just hold on for a second with the Georgia lust, would ya? I’m waiting on a document to print with a list of statistical analysis on the two teams. I’m gonna use it to make the decision whether Georgia or Alabama is the best team in the conference. Wait, it’s here. Look, I’ll copy the data:
2018/12/01 Georgia 28 - Alabama 35 L 2018/01/08 Georgia 23 - Alabama 26 L 2015/10/03 Georgia 10 - Alabama 38 L 2012/12/01 Georgia 28 - Alabama 32 L 2008/09/27 Georgia 30 - Alabama 41 L 2007/09/22 Georgia 26 - Alabama 23 W
For some strange reason, Alabama whips Georgia every single year practically. WHO KNEW? In fact, Georgia hasn’t beaten Alabama in a game of American football since the Bush administration! Do you still want me to pick Georgia over Alabama in a matchup of their respective football teams? If you want to, Bovada is up and running and I’m sure they’ll gladly take your money. I, on the other hand, am sticking with Bama.
Sooner Lincoln Riley is similar to the owner of a delicious sub sandwich shop in midtown, Manhattan. A wunderkind mind in an important profession. This (can I say?) kid is the future of football coaching: relentlessly focused, unhinged creativity, a mastermind play-caller, indifference towards defense and hitting people. This is where the sport is going at all levels. Just look at Kliff Kingsbury who got a head coaching gig in the NFL solely because he coached Patty Mahomes and has an alliterative/slick-sounding millenial all-star name. Riley is probably the better mind of the two, heck!
And this season, I’m anxious to see what kind of sandwich Riley puts together in 2019 with Alabama departee Jalen Hurts filling the consecutively Heisman shoes of the Oklahoma quarterback position. With Hurts and wide receiver CeeDee Lamb as the two biggest names, Riley has a bun and some meat on his offense already. Whatever Hurts’ peak as a college playmaker is, Riley is the guy who will without a doubt discover it. Just look what he did with former Texas Tech walk-on Baker Mayfield and Texas A&M burnout Kyler Murray. Lincoln will have his offense gunning like the pistons in a Lamborghini. To win the whole thing, he’ll need a defense reflected the actual 1989 Pistons.
Here’s my boldest prediction for the 2019-20 College Football season: The committee finally does it. They let UCF in the Playoff after another undefeated season. Sometimes, the twitter mob moves the needle. Just a few weeks ago, the NCAA revoked a rule they had just created about agents needing a college degree because Rich Paul (a college atheist apparently) got a whiff of the news and spearheaded an outrage brigade on social media. After a couple days of constant sour-mouthing, the NCAA (unsurprisingly) backed off because they have less balls than Varys on Game of Thrones.
Everyone caves in to the demands of the masses if they’re annoying enough. It’s like a kid having his toys taken away and the little rat cries “mom, mom, mom, mom” for hours like a dripping sink during Chinese water torture. Three consecutive undefeated seasons is a standard you have to respect. I doubt, aside from Alabama and Clemson, any team could pull off such a feat in the AAC, as unappealing as that conference is. If they run the table once again, give ’em a shot. Hell, that would mean they beat Stanford. There’s your big win. If they run the table, UFC is going to the CFP, I predict. And behind former Notre Dame dual-threat QB Brandon Wimbush, I kinda like their odds.