1) Messy Fries: Sloppy batons of deep-fried potatoes.
—- Our meaning: A foodgasmic meal from Quick Grill very few people have eaten sober. At first thought, you’re like what’s so great about French fries smothered in chili and cheese? But then, you’re like “Wow, this nourishment creates for much needed alcohol absorption in my stomach and it’s 3 A.M… So my options are limited.”
2) Yellow Hammer: A hand-held metal tool that is used for breaking things or driving in nails that is of the color yellow.
— Our meaning: A legendary pineapple-y drink that makes you want to yell “ROLL TIDE” and make out with AJ McCarron (Actually, that’s always). Served in a yellow Gallette’s cup and is basically game day in your mouth.
3) Bryant-Denny: A name for a child given to him by parents who hate him.
— Our meaning: The second-largest stadium in the Southeastern Conference, named in honor of the amazing George H. Denny and Bear Bryant. Home to the Alabama Crimson Tide football team, winners of 15 national championships. *All of Tuscaloosa brushes off their shoulders*
4) The Quad: A large muscle group that includes the four prevailing muscles on the front of the thigh.
— Our meaning: A squirrel-infested 22-acre section of grass where students run into their ex’s while in transit to class. Personally, my favorite location to sit down and have a nice round of “Guess if that sorority girl is wearing pants or not.”
5) Machine: An apparatus that uses mechanical power and has several parts, each functioning to perform a certain task.
— Our meaning: YOU DO NOT SPEAK OF THE MACHINE.
6) Auburn: A public university located in Auburn, Alabama.
—- Our meaning: A school that is lacking in depth, devoid of substance and character, shockingly back-assed, morbidly pretentious, and is mindlessly obsessed with trying to be like The University of Alabama.
** Bonus– The word can also be used as an (Adjective:)
Ex. “Dude, those acid-wash jeans are so Auburn.
7) ABC: The first three letters of the alphabet.
— Our meaning: Alabama Beverage Control. A police task force established to suck the fun out of every bar. The reason many go from “TURN UP” to “TURN UP THE NETFIX VOLUME.”
In other words, ABC policemen are the dried up leaders of the popular club in middle school…. You know, the frosted-tip haired bullies that fired a forward head-nod at the chubby loser across the cafeteria that initiated him into sitting at the cool table.. Then laughed when fatty spilled his corn dog on the way over.
8) Houndstooth: The teeth of a dog that is breed for hunting and tracking by scent.
— Our meaning: A black and white textile pattern often mistaken as “checkered” by outsiders and is popular to buy at Citi Trends. Most people have a love/hate relationship with the pattern. Mostly hate. But ya know.
9) Greek: A native or inhabitant of Greece, or a person of Greek descent.
— Our meaning: What’s a Greek? Ha ha, Just kidding. A member of a fraternity or sorority. They love to “throw what they know” and hang out with their brothers/sisters, then yell you all about it on social media.
10) Harry’s: The possessive case of a popular boy name.
— Our meaning: A freshman bar for Blackout Billy to ceaselessly bump and grind up on Wasted Wendy with no shame in his pervert game. Home to many inebriated exchanges, 50-cent natties, and frat daddies. A good night at Harry’s usually results in a last name drop from your Facebook. You don’t want to be searched.
** Life Hack: Don’t have a fake ID? No problem! Go find a homeless man on the side of the road and ask to borrow his.. That’s what I did!!!!
11) Dining dollars: A basic monetary unit used to eat.
— Our meaning: The pre-paid 300$ on your action card that you use when you want to feel better about spending money.
“They accept dining dollars.” — How to get me to eat anywhere successfully
12) Mallet: A long-handled wooden stick with a head like a hammer, used for hitting a croquet or polo ball.
— Our meaning: An assembly of ~free spirits~ that many students avoid while walking to class in fear of being bombarded with controversial pamphlets and cigarette smoke.
13) Tut: An exclamation that is used to express disbelief or disapproval.
— Our meaning: The all-girls dorm that houses a measly 966 screeching freshman. It was named after some prison woman and that’s about all you need to know.
photo via Zack Sylvan — http://www.zacksylvan.com