Five Fictional Coaches For the Florida Job

Well, apparently Dan Mullen, Steve Spurrier and Rich Rod aren’t interested in walking the sidelines of the Swamp next season.

I don’t see someone like Hugh Freeze leaving Ole Miss for Florida, especially with the team he has returning, or an NFL coach coming down, and  I certainly don’t see Florida wanting to settle. The university will take its time choosing a successor for Will Muschamp. It will be a short list of guys who want the job that actually meet the standards in Gainesville – and I’m sure that list will vary immensely in the recent future.

Blah… blah… blah.. The reality of the Florida coaching situation – especially if the Old Ball Coach isn’t interested – is already boring me. Let’s shift to the fictional side of thing and broaden the search horizon.

Who would be the best fictional coaches to take over and lead the Gators back to glory?

As a disclaimer, it’s thin ice with who is considered “fictional” and not. For example, Coaches like  Bill Yoast and Gary Gaines are real people. And no, you can’t hire Burt Cotton (Hugh Freeze), that’s against the rules. And if it was made before North Dallas Forty, I’m sorry -you may not have seen it. And, yes. Some of these guys are probably dead – as Ben Stiller says in Heavyweights: “Deal with it.”

 5) Tom D’Amato (Any Given Sunday)

Any given Saturday. You bet. No description needed here.


4) Bud Kilmer (Varsity Blues)

Hear me out here: there have been some modern advances in medicine since Kilmer was coaching in West Canaan – not to mention disclosure of injuries, social media, media in the locker rooms, things have just changed – and I think Kilmer adjusts too. I mean, his record speaks for itself. He said it himself: “ I have brought two state titles, and 22 district championships.” Texas high school football isn’t the SEC, but it’s a war. We’ve seen many coaches, Freeze, Malzahn and Briles rise from the high school ranks; give Kilmer his chance.  Bottom line, Kilmer’s motto is this: win by any means necessary. Maybe Florida needs a bit of that. I just don’t see Muschamp taking down the water coolers like this. #GatorsForever


3) Danny O’Shea (Little Giants) –

With hair a little similar to Muschamp, Danny O’Shea is ready to move up in the football world. Florida has had it with the defensive coaches. Bring back the days of Spurrier; let’s have some fun out there, dammit. We’re talking about the guy who called the annexation of Puerto Rico for the win – think what he does with SEC speed. His inner motivation and overcome the odds attitude could do wonders in Gainesville.

2)  B.A. Strothers (North Dallas Forty)

The guy wins games on Sunday, so he certainly has the experience to win games on Saturday. Strother was ahead of his time. He was a numbers guy who knew how to get the right guys on the field – and more importantly, he didn’t care about – don’t want to give away the end of the movie if you haven’t seen it – what guys did off the field as long as they performed to his standards. It sounds like another powerhouse college program in Florida – Jimbo Fisher (low blow, just saying). He’s a no-nonsense, win-first coach. In fairness, this one is kind of cheating because Strothers is based on Cowboys great Tom Landry – and all he ever did was coach 29 seasons, win two Super Bowls and 13 division titles.

1) Jimmy McGinty (The Replacements)

Conventional wisdom says McGinty may not be the best hire, but as we know from the movie, “Mcginty is anything but a conventional coach.” Talk about a guy who can revive a program, McGinty won games with replacement players to get his Washington Sentinels in the playoffs. Maybe Driskel turns into the next Shane Falco, maybe McGinty chooses Harris, but he always gets the best from his players. As a serious coach, he unifies the team and has fun doing it – and the Gators could use some unity and fun. Couldn’t you just see Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist go down to the field reporter to catch McGinty for an epic half time interview? The guy has heart. Miles and Miles of heart. Florida seemed to quit on Muschamp, but no one quits on McGinty.

If you have better options for the Florida Job, comment below!


*Section Photo credit to Scott Halleran, Getty Images; Featured Photo (above) credit to Steve Mitchell, USA Today Sports. 

Virginia Tech RB Marshawn Williams Tears ACL
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